“Travel so far you will meet yourself.”
It is November 23rd 2021, around Noon Barcelona time. I have arrived safely to my AirBnB, the wonderful host who had met me with the keys and given me a tour of the place had just left, I sat on the sofa and ……
Then it hit me. I was doing it! And then it also hit me, I have zero idea what I am doing!
You can see it in this picture. Out of sorts and out of focus. I wasn’t going to post this image as I was using my new camera and had yet to get familiar with where the lens was, AND I posted it just for this very reason. To remember, this moment when all I wanted to do was to crawl out of my skin and return to the safety of my sisters apartment in Florida.
The doubts, the questions and the fears came pouring into my heart. I wanted to run, to get out of this place and to rewind to the moment before I had mentioned this crazy idea of travelling the world to anyone.
I am triggered by a lot of things, sounds, smells, the unfamiliar and this moment the dog barking in the next door apartment, the car sounds of a busy city all became too overwhelming. My anxiety went into full flight mode and yet I had nowhere to run. My saliva dried up, my heart rate sped up and I dropped back into that oh so uncomfortable, yet somewhat familiar feeling of not being certain that I could bet on myself to see this through.
Who the heck did I think I was to do something so bold, so audacious, as to travel alone. What was I doing (at my age) to take off without a real plan and without a guaranteed outcome.
AND it is for this very reason I need to do this. To prove to myself and to demonstrate for others, that to truly show up for our life and to create a life we are proud of, will always require us to push ourselves out of the comfort of what we know and step into the uncertainty of what could be. And to prove the point I needed to move out of not only my comfort zone, but my city, my state and my country.
Where do we belong? This is the question I am feeling in this moment. Where do I belong? Where is home? Where is my center? My true north?
On this day I have only questions and no answers. And without a good question, answers will have no place to go. So here the journey begins of asking powerful questions along the way that will hopefully reveal answers, ideas and invitations for us all to live a life of possibility.